yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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