Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
