My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
