you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
