Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
