Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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