yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
