Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
