Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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