I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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