At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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