i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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