There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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