Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
