I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
