Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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