I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
