My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
