Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
