so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
