I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
