I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
