Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
