I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
