my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
