so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
