If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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