Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
