Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
