If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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