dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
