it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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