Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She announced her abortion via fbk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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