Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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