Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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