what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
