I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
