can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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