you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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