i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
