Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
