He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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