that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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