Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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