My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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