Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
