No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
