over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
