Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
