I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
