in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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