wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
ttyl tear gas
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
