After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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